Took me a long time to return here. I simply didn’t feel good each time I looked upon that dashboard.
It wasn’t that I regretted stopping blogging (could be in denial though; I could never tell with myself <_<). But I certainly did recognize the fact that as an ‘animesque blog’, this place had ran out of its value when I had started to force myself to write.
There was no point to writing if one didn’t enjoy every moment of it.
I guess the problem was that I stopped using this place as a blog too early and ended up using it as an editorial, only to realize (at Otakon 2011) that I hate amateur critics — judging works of others when they’ve never made one themselves and experienced both the difficulty and pride involved. Facts can’t be unlearned, and writing here became hypocrisy for me — I tried to keep going for a few posts but it just felt, unnatural. It also made me wish to distance myself from the aniblogger community asap.
Also, too much life junk happened in the past year, like learning why corporate people tend to be so cynical… that’s it. I’m shooting for management for serious now, so I can build a team that I can love again and those within may enjoy the experience with me.
Either way, things do happen in life. I bet I offended some people the way I stopped. Nevertheless, regretting the past doesn’t work. Time to stop.
Time to start using this place as an actual blog.
…
Anyhow, it’s late November. In other years I may be a lot more anxious and a lot more sleep deprived, driven either by approaching exams or NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month).
For once, not so. I’m not even writing. I’m editing. I would say I’ve finished editing but… one can never finish editing. Not as long as one takes pride in one’s own work.
That pride reminded me to finally post it, publicly, on authonomy.com for critique and all.
My first thought was one I asked prior:
I know a lot of people who write for NaNoWriMo, but barely any who would publicly post their work. What’s up with that?
Someone who really enjoys writing shouldn’t be afraid of critique, of honest opinions.
Embarrassing? Sure. But I believe those who enjoys writing also enjoys sharing writing. Take pride that it’s your work and let it flow, be revealed and known. Yadda yadda.
Sure, it’s hard. It’s harder still to receive negative feedback, to realize what you’re doing wrong. But you know what…
For the first time, the first year when I almost shamelessly plugged and shared my fic-writing with friends, receiving their replies (sometimes honest, sometimes not) in return, I realized that my writing also made leaps and bounds in quality. That might sound like self-praising but, it’s also a matter of taking pride in one’s own improvement. I know I have a long time to go, and I’m going to keep taking critique to get there.
Getting praise may help motivation, temporarily. But getting criticism is what really helps. It improves, teaches. Pride in one’s ability, one’s work… that goes a far further, lasts a lot longer.
I really do love writing.
…
The best thing about losing a lot of audience is that once again, I can say whatever I want without worrying over twenty thousand things before every publish click.
Weeeeee~
Lastly, me on Authonomy.
I’ve actually been done for a few days. Just didn’t want to post. “First time” (return) and all.
But whatever. There’s also a harder decision: to keep writing, or to start drawing and designing and all that other stuff I’ve put off until “I finish the first book”.
First… more real life troubles >_>
p.s. this stupid wordpress dashboard is killing me…
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.